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> Energy Monitoring
by Bobbi Gay
There was a time in my life when I was ill with chronic
mono for two years. This dramatic loss of energy caused me to make important
changes in my life. I was desperate to feel energy again. And so, I began
to look at how I might do that. At first I began
noticing my patterns. The telltale signs that I was losing energy took a
few forms that I learned to identify. The most noticeable thing was a sinking
sensation in my solar plexus. If I was agreeing to do something I didn't
want to do, I'd feel it. If I wasn't being renewed by who I was with or
what I was doing, I'd quickly feel drained and restless. I learned that
if I had to pretend to be enjoying myself with someone, I'd later feel tired.
I found out that before this, I didn't distinguish between having a good
time and seeming to have a good time. I didn't really assess the quality
of an experience or interaction, in order to decide if I was going to do
it, or repeat it again. What I learned was
that my body was a great ally. It would literally tell me where I was losing
the energy. At one point about a year or two into my explorations, my therapist
and I were talking about a long term commitment I was considering. I mentioned
to her that whenever I considered a major commitment, I was aware of a fear
that I'd get sick and be unable to finish the commitment. She asked me how
many classes and performances I had missed in the last two years. This was one of
the first times I clearly became aware of a limiting belief. As I thought
about the question I was surprised to realize that in the two year period,
I had never missed one event that truly excited me. I hadn't had the experience
of missing anything I deemed vital in several years and yet, just below
the level of awareness was an unrealistic fear. I realize now that
the extreme stress of the illness encoded that fear. For two years I had
chronic fatigue and an additional litany of illness that were incapacitating.
Time after time I would commit to things only to be laid low. My overdeveloped
integrity made canceling painful. All this encoded with a belief that I
couldn't trust my own energy to be there when it was needed. I got something
on a very deep level after looking back at my health history. I just knew
with great power that I needed to notice my excitement level about various
pursuits and options. I decided to follow my excitement and focus on fully
involving with whatever my excitement was. This didn't mean abandoning my
children and partying every night. I did notice however, that in order to
be excited by child rearing I needed to develop my own way entirely. I also
needed to play and feel irresponsible, it excited me to reclaim my lost
childhood and feel alive after so mach illness, stress, and physical pain. As I consciously
gave myself permission to want and be, I felt freer and more energetic.
I realize now that I never would have been able to shoulder the responsibilities
I now bear without having that second childhood. All this prepared me for
the time when I came into contact with the work of Stanislav Grof. This
eventually resulted in much travel and training, all of which would have
been exactly the kind of thing which I formerly feared planning. Body Signals We each come here to
live out a dream that our soul holds dear. We are given vital energy to
sustain us in exploring this beautiful planet and her beings. When we spend
our energy on this pursuit we are rewarded with more energy. This is the
concept of synergy and flow. The soul's energy synergizes the human energy
field, and a flow is established. Nature rewards connecting to the source
with good feelings and feelings of strength and power. We feel vitally alive
when we are using our energy to live the "big life" our very own intimate
soul wants to gift us with. For many reasons,
however we lose our connection to source energy. This always boils down
to the many forms of fear which results in contraction. Contraction AWAY
from source. We lose touch with our life dream when flow stops. The following
list is designed to be helpful to people who are interested in detecting
where and how they are losing vital energy. Once you discover that you are
losing energy in an area of the body, ex. the solar plexus, call that energy
back to you and imagine it settling up and down the length of your spine.
This is your "rod of power." You need your power to have a good and satisfying
life! If you don't claim your power somebody else surely will. Vital Questions About Vitality Sometimes pulling
your energy back means to disengage and remove yourself from the scene.
Although it could simply mean focusing inwardly on the breath to make it
slow and even. In this way tense social situations where you might feel
compelled to fill a social void with insincere offers, or irrelevant chatter
pass easily. You are at the center of your own life and all is well. Nobody
owes you anything and conversely you don't owe others a diminished Self. Beliefs seem to have
relative merit. Certain beliefs cost a lot to maintain. An example from
my life would be an over invested belief in the whole romantic love thing.
Much of my personal energy, the energy that gets this web site done or doesn't
was tied up in resisting what was, while demanding what wasn't. In this
way I squandered my precious life-force and had a crappy time of it. I had
a belief that the highest expression of love was romantic behavior. As I
reframed that, many sources of love deepened and / or appeared. I let go
of demands for things to be other than they were and guess what? I now have
a quality of attention and care that exceeds what I held in my head as ideal. Positive beliefs
generate energy. Positive thoughts attract positive people and situations.
Positive beliefs require little investment and pay a high dividend. This
is because perceived helplessness is the most energy sapping condition.
To take dominion over the mind is to regain some perceived sense of control.
There is enormous power in the ability to assume there is a way to meet
any given circumstance and you will find it. Studies were done
on holocaust survivors in order to learn from their life experiences. Victor
Frankel who was a survivor himself found there was one thing that determined
how well people recovered and renewed their lives after the war. Those who
found meaning in the experience went on to live well. Those who remained
in the victim stance in some ways never escaped imprisonment. So I repeat... some
thoughts are like good food, they nourish and sustain. In order to have
authentic power you have to jettison what no longer works, what no longer
energetically "feeds" you. Anything that keeps you from the experience of
your personal power needs to be lovingly released. This process of letting
go is directed by inner being who knows what needs to happen and when. It
is part of the map and it spans the arenas of body/mind/spirit/ and emotions.
As you become more coherent you develop authentic power and it's corresponding
energy. This is the quality and quantity of energy it takes to fuel a vision. You will find that
intimacy renews and falseness deadens. In this context what I mean by intimacy
is the ability to show and/or share who you really are with another. It
also means being receptive to whoever unfolds before you. It is an exchange
and therefore it has a synergistic quality. Falseness has a wooden inanimate
quality. Energy doesn't flow and neither do good warm feelings. By monitoring
how real you are you can tell what's going on. If all you're getting is
a mask look out. If you feel so judged that you can't be real, look out. Resources for Energy Monitoring
Previous LightSeed.com
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And, hey,
if you feel inspired, drop me a line at Bobbi@LightSeed.com
Or write to me at LightSeed.com
P.O. Box 695 Griswold CT 06351
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