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As the relationship developed during training and over the phone, each of us felt a strong attraction to the other, and a "knowing" from within. This was a recognition that we had future work to share with each other. This future service was a big part of why Alan subsequently chose to move east to join me. At that time we were completing the two-year training and anticipated working together at a center. A friend of mine who was a neurologist wanted to found a healing center that we would run. Alan no sooner made the move than the center plan fell through; it wasn't going to happen.

This was painful and it left us to work out our couple issues, and individual personal stuff without focusing on the dream. Since then I have noticed that many couples who involve in planetary service abandon their relationships and the personal growth required by them, for a focus on service. This strategy can cause burnout and arrested growth. I think we both can now see the value of being forced to deal with all our stuff, but at the time we were innocent.

Our love for each other was so strong we didn't think there would be much to work out. We had such a strong sense of being on the same wavelength. That didn't guarantee peace we learned. Each of us experienced the relationship as much more intense than prior relationships. We felt things so intensely, we cared about us so intensely, and everything seemed to have deeper meaning and challenge. We both experienced ecstasy and agony, the merry-go-round of life, up and down we went.

What we didn't discover until later was that each of us, prior to meeting, in the privacy of our own hearts had felt a great sadness about how much pain is involved in the couples experience. Each of us had asked to be shown a better way for people to get their needs met. We believed mutual respect and truth telling to be the foundation of intimate relating.

As the power and control phase of the relationship rolled around we felt overwhelmed by the relationship patterns that came up. Many times it felt like we were speaking different languages. It was hard to see the other's viewpoint and hold one's own. For a long time we didn't realize we were experientially exploring new ways of being together. At the bottom each of us was encountering deep patterns of abandonment in order to transform them. At times it felt shattering, and if we didn't have so much genuine love and attraction we never would have stayed with it.

At some point we realized we had essentially invoked learning new relationship patterns. Slowly we became conscious of the patterns, and began to change them together. Often in the beginning only one of us could detect that we were operating out of a patterned defense. That was okay though because we only needed that little edge to do something different. Things started to improve and we didn't feel so out of control, I still feel great compassion for who I was and how that felt before the pattern busting.

The gist of all this is that I, Bobbi, went on to work in the area of self-empowerment as a Self Empowerment Coach and guide, in a more committed way. Alan pursued some of his other interests, primarily the computer and retail. We settled down and Alan helped me raise my children from a former marriage. We didn't realize it, but we were being schooled to create the Self Empowerment Center @ LightSeed.com. Slowly we began to see a use for our individual talents and for all the information and learning we had gathered even before we met. We saw that a web site that distributes high quality information would allow us to help others despite our remote rural location. We realized that my phone work has been very effective, and that it would be possible to reach beyond the conservative New England area we live in with a web site. We were painfully aware that good transformational products were being marketed alongside of junk. We were also aware that chasing down the good stuff took great time and effort. We recognized that we could employ all our experience, and Alan's knowledge of both computer and retail to offer only the best in a one-stop format. We have invested nearly thirty years collectively exploring products, workshops and healing modalities.

Both of us are much wiser and more mature than we were nine years ago. Co-parenting was good preparation for future shared responsibilities. Much of what we offer in terms of changing your reality has been learned in the " classroom of direct experience."

In a way nine years ago we were like naive teenagers (even though we were both born a week apart in 1950). We wanted to get "pregnant" and give birth, then parent something that would be a vehicle for positive change in many lives. Yet, we wouldn't have had the maturity, perspective, or personal energy to do it. Our kids are older now, and don't require so much energy and attention. We have learned how to plug up our energy leaks. Self Empowerment Center @ LightSeed.com has taken literally hundreds of hours to create and implement. We simply could not have done it in addition to our already existent demands until we learned to hold more of our own energy. This provides the fuel for the Self Empowerment Center @ LightSeed.com vision. After a nine-year gestation we present our newborn offspring to all who might benefit. We are calling it Self Empowerment Center @Self Empowerment Center @ LightSeed.com because it is our dream to help seed positive change through the introduction of light into dark places.

I, Bobbi Gay, bring to Self Empowerment Center @ LightSeed.com many years of hands on experience helping people as a Self Empowerment Coach and guide, to gradually or radically transform their lives. I have traveled extensively throughout the United States learning from the best teachers I could find. I am trained in dozens of transformational modalities. I have attended numerous workshops and have read many hundreds of books in my self-directed training program. I would describe my orientation as employing an energy model and the understandings offered in depth psychology and eastern philosophy.

My excitement is to help people move well beyond their current limitations. This has been my passion for well over a decade and it still burns bright. I believe firmly in the healer within and it is my talent to assist people in harnessing that inner resource. I am most interested at this time in how we actually create our own reality. I am currently writing a book about how we get disconnected from inner being, and how to renew that connection by becoming genuine.

I along with Alan enjoy rural life on five acres in the woods of Connecticut. We have a very funny son Jesse, now nineteen and a lovable daughter, Beryl who is seventeen, and extremely awesome. We are happy to share our house with four cats, two are Siamese, also a gray tabby and an orange tabby. We also have a Weimaraner dog whose joy in life is car rides. The Self Empowerment Center @ LightSeed.com computer sits in the corner of our very large kitchen where I often can be found writing for the web site or my book.

Alan brings to Self Empowerment Center @ LightSeed.com a well-rounded knowledge of psychological processes and a very expansive world view He has owned and managed stores in the past so retail work comes easily. In addition he has good computer skills and has co-created and implemented this web site. His calm and centered nature makes methodical processes go smoothly and easily. He has had a desire to be of service to others since childhood.

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